We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
