hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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