Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
