Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
