Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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