She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize