So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
