i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
