Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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