I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
