and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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