hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
tell me about the fingering
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
