I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
