toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You work out of a Hotel?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
