I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
