Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
