I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There r osticjed everywhere
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
