All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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