I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
