Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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