If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize