i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
