I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
