Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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