i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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