Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm passing your future prison.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
