So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
