Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
