You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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