I'm laying in your front yard are you home
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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