Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
