seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Text me some of your sweat
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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