weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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