Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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