if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
