he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
