I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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