If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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