It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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