okay pat passed out under dana's car
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
