why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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