a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
