checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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