We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
