Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize