I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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