That's when you crack a 10am beer
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
then he tried to convert me to islam
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
