If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
