my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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