I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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