Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
