ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
