Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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