i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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