i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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