he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
