i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
