Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
