i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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