As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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