cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
