Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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