you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
