I think my fart just growled at me.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
