if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
