I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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