The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My underwear smells like fireworks.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I understand Curling. That high.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
