You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
