How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
