After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
