is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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