Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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