The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
