I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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