ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
