He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
