lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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