I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I party with great urgency now.
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