fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
