is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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