dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
