"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
