She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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