First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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