about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
