im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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