we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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