bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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