The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
