So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This house was built for laser tag.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize