dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
tell me about the eggs
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
