im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
