I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
