accomplished twins. life is a go
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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