On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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