Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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