You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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