Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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