I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize