Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
