I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You're like the curious george of whores
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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